Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
