did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
