oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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