fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
