We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
