I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
