She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
