bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
