my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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