just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
