Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
