My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
