I want to have your abortion
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
