i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
