My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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