I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
