then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
