And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
