So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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