She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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