wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
