I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
