dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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