sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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