You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have post one night stand depression
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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