dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
