she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
