Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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