the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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