well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
