Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
