Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
