Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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