Don't you send me to vm
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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