Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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