remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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