The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
