I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
