even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
