So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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