you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
