Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
