someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
