before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Houston, we have a blender
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
