I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
