I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
