Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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