the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
