Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
tell me about the fingering
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