I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
