YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
