I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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