I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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