I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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