I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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