I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
