I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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