Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
