Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
