U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we're so committed to being not committed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
