I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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