What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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