My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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