She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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