It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
