I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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