Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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