mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
