Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
