thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
