Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
