he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
