Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
