who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
