Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
