so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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