If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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