At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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