I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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