i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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