I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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