His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
