i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
