I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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