I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
