My hand turned me down
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize