Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
