Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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