you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
