i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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