last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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