I must be too annoying 4 u.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
