K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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