I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
