He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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