i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
