i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
