She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
