Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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