not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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