You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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