I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
