I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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